Friday, March 20, 2009

Men & Money

My recent obsession with finances lead me to Rich Dad, Poor Dad. My own "rich dad" was inspired by this book and so I thought, it can't hurt. This was actually the book that sparked my further discovery of personal finances and has lead me to now subscribing to magazines on the subject as well as reading 3 other books.

The author heavily defines his theories on finance by the belief that things are either an asset or a liability. I won't give you a mini lecture here about what that means in the finance world, though I would strongly recommend if you don't understand these concepts that you do some financial soul searching of your own. Or if you know what they mean but you still think your car or house are assets: Robert T has some words of wisdom for you...get the book.

I think that men can also be put into these two categories (or girls, if you're a guy and reading this). The people you date are either an asset or a liability. Please don't kid yourself into believing that they are the perfect mix of both. In relationships as in money matters, people too frequently want to believe there's this huge grey area, that when we get honest with each other we know doesn't actually exist. Justify your dating choices to your friends or parents all you want - but if you find that you're kidding yourself, you're in trouble. You're also not alone.

Some say that marriage is a business transaction. While I'm not in favor of taking the romance out of relationships - I'm a sucker for love - I am inclined to agree on some levels. The top two reasons people get divorced are money & sex. So argue as much as you like, but money has plenty to do with marriage. From how the courtship goes, to the size of the engagement ring, to what kind of wedding you have, where you honeymoon, how long the marriage lasts, how difficult it is, and sadly - it has a profound affect on divorce rates.

Here are some of the men I will, for now, define as liabilities and therefore avoid:

- Guys who haven't finished school
- Guys who still live at home
- Guys without full time jobs
- Guys who ask if my Dad could help them get a career in the NFL
- Guys who do not own cars (unless they live in NYC, that's acceptable)
- Guys who believe that a woman's sole role in the world is having babies and doing his housekeeping

OK a few quick explanations of this, as I may be seeming a bit harsh. If a guy hasn't finished school, who's to say he will? Education ranks high on my priority list and I want to instill in my future children (should I have them) that education is both a privilege and a necessity. This would be rather hard to do if my partner isn't on board with that mentality. Also, education prepares you for careers - something I would like my future spouse to have. I worked my tail off for 4 years for my degree, I don't think it's an unreasonable expectation of someone else.

Typically (though arguably not always) guys who live at home A. are not providing for themselves, B. are quite use to having their mamas do things for them & C. have not developed the kind of leadership skills I think the future "head of my household" should have. This is not to say that everyone doesn't fall on hard times, and turning to your family for help is certainly acceptable. I'm more aiming this list item at late 20-somethings or older who have yet to strike out on their own. The world is waiting friends - get out there.

If they do not have a full-time job, they're out for now. This is not directly related to money as I have plenty of rich friends who hardly work. This is more related to work ethic. I want to know that my "partner" is willing to work, hard. Because relationships are hard work - and I'm not willing to do 100% of that work, 100% of the time. Nor do I think I should have too. I work 1.5 jobs myself, so again I'm not asking for anything I'm not doing.

List item four should be self-explanatory. If your looking to mooch your career off my Dad, you're out. Doneso. So if you're looking for an internship, job, try out, or other - call the office, not me. And yes, this happens regularly. I will also breeze by the car one - this is based on 2 guys I dated in the past. I do not have the time or energy to be any ones taxi. Therefore, they need their own way to get around. Period.

I'm not a raging feminist. I shave my legs. I wear makeup almost daily. I love high heels enough to have than 50 pairs. I'm all for enjoying being a girl. As Marilyn Monroe once said "I'm fine with living in a man's world, as long as I can be a girl in it". However, I'm not old fashion either. I have asked guys out before. I will express my feelings before they have if that's the way it goes. I've been the first to initiate a kiss. I frequently offer or even insist on paying on a date. I love working and I don't plan to give up having a career anytime soon (if ever). So, for me, it makes sense not to date someone whose expectation is that I'm ready to table my career to be Suzy Homemaker. For some, this is what they want - go for it. For me, it is not.

I will add to this list later I'm well as make one for assets. : ] Sorry to end this on a slightly negative note but I really must get back to work.


1 comment:

  1. Well said, my dear! Thank goodness you're one of those women who knows what she wants.